I haven’t been able to write much lately, although I’ve had plenty of stuff to write about. It’s a bit hard to organize my thoughts, as well as the fact that I’m reluctant to share them with anybody but myself.
I’ve been having an awful lot of dreams about James, which I guess shouldn’t be too weird since we have been spending the weekends together. However even when we were together in undergrad, I never dreamed about him so much or if I did, I don’t recall those dreams. This one I just had this afternoon, when I dozed off was very vivid. The dreams usually involve us doing normal, everyday tasks in less than mundane ways. This one involved shopping for things to bring to a dinner my sister was hosting in her new apartment as well as racing cars to get to the location for some reason.
It’s strange how our relationship to each other has turned around, although we’re still in this nebulous place. I don’t know what we are to each other although he often tells me that it transcends labels, “girlfriend, lover, best friend, sibling, daughter” etc; That to him it is and is beyond these things. I suppose given our track record part of me wants to consider this bullshit and just a lot of talk, but his actions as of late seem to really demonstrate something along those lines. Either way, I better not read too much into it because that’s a great way to get my heart broken again.
